You never know who will walk into your life and who will walk out. You just have to trust them sometimes and let them in, not everyone is out to get you. Don’t put your guard up all the time. Even if you’re scared of getting hurt. Someone could actually LOVE you, if you let them in.
It’s funny how I have come to realize somethings about life.
I am a certified Loner. I was brainwashed since I was in 3rd grade to focus on studies, and say no to love life. Having these in mind, my door was closed to friendships with men. Although I am not totally not talking to them, I just don’t hang out with them. I was like this when I went to high school then to college. I guess it wasn’t really a good thing because it didn’t make me really comfortable around men. I was like having this “wall” around me which makes me stay away from them. Later then I grew up, started to befriend a few, but, really didn’t made close guy friends, well maybe except for a very few guy cousins, church mates, but never really had any other close guy friend. And about my girl friends, I am not really that choosy, when it comes to them, but maybe I made close girl friends when they want me to be their friend. It’s very simple, if they want me as their friend, they would come to me, talk to me and spend time with me even for a bit, that’s how I know they want to be my friend, and to those who I want to be friends with, I try to reach out, talk to them a bit (I’m such a shy person, so if I talk to you especially when it’s personal stuff , that means I like you to be my friend). I usually feel how people react about me and how I am. So most of the time, I tend to just be silent, be shy and be quiet. There are times when I just feel like, they don’t like me, so I just don’t bother them. We can’t just please everybody, I know that. There are just people who aren’t our people. I have accepted that too… So I keep saying to myself, just be yourself and the right people will be in your life. If not, then they’re not the people destined to be in your life. I’m sleepy while writing this, I’m not so sure if I’m talking coherently.
To continue… as I grew up more and more, I started to realize things about life. I’d say, it’s not just about “me”. It’s also about other people. So what I do now, that I didn’t really do before? it’s “talking and taking time”. I’m still learning everyday because it’s not really natural for me to just drop by and chitchat unless you’re really a close friend. I am trying to come out of my comfort zone and when I try and do it, it makes me feel good. To connect with people and talk to them about their life too. Although I don’t do this really often, but at least now I’m starting to and I kinda like it. Thanks to my new work. I can balance a bit from being a loner (well when I do my reports, I like to be focused on it and not really talk) to being a talker- it’s when I meet the suppliers and their deliveries, and when I talk to the procurement people and the end-users. Somehow I’m still trying to learn how to talk with the bosses in a natural way. (ugh) I wanted to be close to them, but it seems, being close to them is not a good idea. But should I be worried of how other people see me being close to my bosses? Ah well, at times, I feel they don’t even like me. Guess I’ll just have to be myself then.
I realized that the people who wants to spend time with me are those who will really do. And so I say, those who just try to give me false hopes on doing things together, they are hesitant because I’m different and maybe they just don’t like me the way I am now and that’s okey. I will still talk about next adventures yah, but I don’t think they want me in the picture so, I hope they will just not expect me to join them.
Funny how people don’t like me when I’m like this kind of person: shy, quiet, poker face, and at times big smiley face, and serious face. How much more when I’m really a confident person. I wonder how people react to me. Maybe I’d get more haters… haha
Well , my close friends are exception to this of course. And there are just a very few of them. Guess I don’t need a lot. Sometimes we just don’t know later then who to trust if there’s just many of them…hahaha. But for now, there’s just about 2-3 of them who I can really trust.
Jesus is coming soon. But we can’t just sit and wait w/o doing anything and stop continuing our lives. He said to occupy til He comes. Right? So here’s my list of things that I’d like to do this year
- Bible study ;
- Share about the Bible and Jesus to friends and relatives & maybe bring some friends to church;
- Finish reading 10 books ;
- Learn to bake chiffon cake;
- Learn to play another musical instrument;
- Memorize a beautiful piano piece;
- Have a church project for 2014 in the Music Department;
- Feedings to 2 orphanages and or street children;
- Cook something special for the family once a month;
- Call grandma every week;
- Visit my married friends’ home once a month on weekends;
- Go for an adventure with family; with friends after every 3 months.
I could add some more but it will just be in my diary/journal.
Hopin I’d get them all done this year.
Happy 2014, go go go year of the Horse ! 🙂
A MORNING PRAYER FOR THE WORKPLACE
Sweet Jesus, lay your wounded hand upon me
Bless me and my loved ones
Help me to go around today doing your work in your way
Push me back when I would go wrong
Make me go forward when I am afraid to do right
Be with me in my dealings with each person I meet
And grant that each may know, love and serve you better
For having passed me by.
I want to know, love and serve you above all things
And when life’s little day is ended and its task complete,
Give me a place at your feet to rest for all eternity
My dearest Lord, what do you send me today?
Humiliations, contradictions, physical sufferings;
Bad news which I do not expect;
An aching heart, a failure?
Shall I see myself misjudged,
Wrongly suspected, despised?
All that you wish,
O my God I accept them in advance
And if I weep through weakness, regard it not;
If I murmur, check me;
If I am forgetful, enlighten me
If I am discouraged, raise me up
But through it all,
Teach me to say
Thy will be done
Browsing new piano pieces from Lindy Kerby’s site and found this vid and I’d like to share it in this blog. 🙂 Happy sabbath!
Thanks for sharing!